"To forgive is to set a prisoner
free, and discover that the prisoner was you."
Most of
us have experienced a time when we've been hurt by the words or actions of
another. These encounters can leave us feeling bitter, angry, confused, and
full of resentment. It's common for us to forget that it's only damaging
to our own happiness and well-being to hold on to such feelings. The idea of
forgiveness is often associated with the act of completely dismissing the
situation, but that doesn't have to be the case. To forgive doesn't mean you
disregard the way someone treated you, you can forgive someone without excusing
the act. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to continue putting up with their
behaviour. You can forgive and stay OR forgive and no longer choose to
associate with the person. Forgiveness isn’t solely to benefit the person in
the wrong, but rather, to benefit you.
According
to Mayoclinic.org forgiveness can lead to:
-Healthier relationships
-Fewer symptoms of depression
-Less anxiety, stress and hostility
-Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
-Lower blood pressure
Tips for
reaching a state of forgiveness
- Awareness- The first step is to sort through your emotions and try to understand the situation. Frequently we are so stuck on focusing on our own point of view that we don't see the other person's perspective. Figure out why it happened and what it's taught you. What lessons have you learned through this? What strengths can you develop further from the situation? Over time you will eventually stop feeling the pain that it's caused you, so ask yourself is it really worth holding on to something that's going away anyway?
- Think back to a time you made a mistake, remind yourself how it made you feel when you was (or wasn't) forgiven? We're all human and we all make mistakes, there will come a time in your life that you too need forgiveness, is it fair to expect forgiveness from others if we can't even give forgiveness ourselves?
- Confrontation- Often, feelings of anger and resentment are built up because we don't express exactly how a situation made us feel to the other person/people involved. Even if you don't end up with the result you wanted, simply letting the person know your feelings can help cleanse your feelings of anger. When communicating, we can all have the tendency to become frustrated and defensive at times, I've found that when addressing another it’s better to state how something made you feel rather than speaking in an accusing tone, as that only makes the person being spoken too feel like they are being attacked. For example, instead of saying something like, ‘You’re so selfish and crap with communication’ try ‘When (the situation) happened it made me feel like you hadn’t considered my feelings and I think we could do with communicating better’ Even if you feel that whatever has happened is 100% someone else’s fault, conversing in this way helps minimise defensiveness when communicating.
- DO IT FOR YOU!- You don't have to forgive for someone else's benefit, do it to free yourself from the burden of stress, to bring peace into your own life. Know that you are responsible for your actions and they are responsible for theirs. When we let others disrupt our lives we give power to them, forgiveness is power to you. We all have the choice whether to be happy or unhappy, is it worth holding on to anger and resentment and being miserable or would you rather choose to be happy by letting go of what no longer serves you and allowing yourself to get on enjoying your life with peace of mind. Look to the future and release yourself from the prison that holding grudges puts you in.
Love and
light
xo
