SHAKE OFF YOUR WORRIES IN 6 SIMPLE STEPS

"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere" 

We all get worried sometimes. It's completely normal, but more often than not a waste of time. Why? Because 90% of what we worry about doesn't even happen and let's face it worrying doesn't actually change a thing, it only steals your happiness. Nevertheless, we still worry anyway. 
The BIG problems occur when it happens too often - this is because it can drain our energy leading us to become unproductive, it can effect the way we deal with others and is proven to have a major impact on our stress levels and consequently, our health. 
Worry tends to be a result of fear. Fear of failing, making mistakes or experiencing some sort of rejection. Although it is an emotion considered common amongst all people, it's important to learn how to shake it off, pronto. Here's a few helpful ideas to get you started:

1) WHO CARES?!

One of the main reasons we worry is because we stop to think about what others might think about us. Learn to say "So what, who cares? I know what I'm doing is right and that's what counts!" After all, you only get one chance at life, is it really worth allowing others to make it less enjoyable for you? Plus, people's opinions change all the time, give it time. Remember when that person said they hated the colour yellow and now they've just bought a yellow jacket? Okay- so maybe that's not the best example but the point is people's minds always change, so what they think now may not matter later on. 

2) DON'T FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM

Another factor that leads to worry is that we tend to focus on the problem and forget that we need to find a solution. You will be surprised to find just how fast you can find a solution when you learn to recognise problems once , then change your thoughts to focusing on finding a solution rather than going over any problems again and again. 

3) Organise & prioritise

The root of most of our worries stem from lack of preparation for a situation. Learn to organise your days, to-do lists can be helpful as long as you don't create them with unrealistic expectations. It's common to give ourselves so many tasks to do in a day because we want or need to get them all done. However, overloading yourself can have the opposite effect, causing you too feel overwhelmed with tasks and therefore completing nothing or very little just because the thought of running behind brings you stress. You can stop this form of self-sabotage by setting your priorities straight, maybe write a list of all the things you need or want to do and at the beginning of  each day asking yourself, "If I could only get three things done today, what would I like them to be? What's top priority." 

4) Get support

Sometimes having someone either simply listen or share advice can help you find a solution to whatever it is you're worrying about. So next time you find yourself worrying about something, why not talk to a friend? 

5) Change your perspective 

Something that is really great to do is to try and see your situation from another perspective. For instance if it was a friend in the situation you're in, what advice might you give them? We tend to be really good at giving others advice and not so good at helping ourselves out. Viewing a situation as an observer rather than someone who is part of the situation at hand, can inspire a clear solution.

6) Write about it. 

Writing is a great way to gain perspective. Often when someone writes down their thoughts, a solution becomes apparent during the process. When your thoughts are in front of you they can often appear less stressful. 

"Worry is a misuse of imagination."

Love and light 

xo 

9 WAYS TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

It could be that your relationship doesn’t feel quite the way it used to, or you may just be looking to maintain the good place your relationship is currently in, either way you are in the right place; these tips offer key ingredients that make a relationship work. A healthy relationship needs the time and effort of two committed people. If you want a good relationship you have to put the work in, every good relationship is worth it.

1) KEEP ARGUMENTS SOCIAL MEDIA FREE:

With social media being as popular as it is,  it can be SO easy to vent online when you are in a bad mood and feeling a whole bunch of angry and resentful thoughts towards your partner - it isn’t uncommon to see people’s business spread all over Facebook, Twitter etc. Sure it might momentarily make you feel better to let all those feelings out and even receive support from peers, but the problem with this is that by sharing your business online you are involving others and inviting them to share their opinions on the negative part of your relationship. This means that on the likelihood that you and your partner manage to solve the conflict, others may still hold a grudge toward your partner, or continue to share their views which could possibly make it harder for you and your partner to move on from it. I always see people writing updates like 'Why can't everyone stay out of my business. A relationship is between two people' blah, blah, blah - the bottom line is they only know your business if you share it. You don't want people getting involved? Don't involve them - simple.

Next time you feel like venting why not write it down in a word document that you can later delete, or take a moment to yourself to just breathe, calm down and then talk it out with your partner, the mature way.

Picture from http://www.flinthosts.co.uk/media/images/blog/AntiSocial-Media.png

“Cheating and lying aren't struggles, they're reasons to break up.” - Patti Callahan

2) BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER:

Without honesty, trust quickly disappears. And without trust it is very hard to stay in a progressive relationship. Jealousy, suspicion and resentment are all toxic emotions that can be formed from staying in a relationship with someone you cannot trust. A quote I like regarding trust and relationships is:
"A relationship without trust is like a car without gas - you can stay in it all you want but it isn't going anywhere."
Be honest about your needs, your feelings and anything your partner may ask you about. Remember, you don’t have to be cruel to be honest, there are nice ways to say things. Be straight, but be polite.

“The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.”
― George Bernard-Shaw

If you are constantly lying, it can be hard to believe that others around you are telling the truth, which can lead to paranoia in your relationship.

“Things come apart so easily when they have been held together with lies.”
― Dorothy Allison

3) HAVE FUN: 

Fun you say? Yes, of course you are meant to have fun in your relationship, it’s not suppose to be draining, repetitive or boring. Being playful keeps the bond growing! Make each other smile, watch a bit of comedy, go for walks, go to festivals together, on holiday, to studio tours, a gig - whatever it is you two like to do, it can be something you used to do a lot or something completely new.

Another quick tip whilst we are talking about all things fun - work... try not to have this as one of your relationship's main topic's of discussion- it's nice to briefly share work goss, but then relax, have fun, separate yourself from it - always working and always talking about work is known to be a stress causing factor in relationships. You should love your work, but love your relationship too. Make time for no work just fun. 

Colour festival avec my boyfriend.

Be weird, Be silly - Just have fun.

 "Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

 4) POSITIVITY:

A positive attitude goes a long way. You have complete control over your behaviours and can choose to focus on the good side of things, bringing positivity into your relationship is one of the best things you can do. Of course, no-one expects you to be a bright ball of sunshine all the time, but sharing positive lessons, thoughts and solutions can be a relationship enhancer. Being positive will not only improve your relationships, but also your life.- Two birds with one stone.

5) COMMUNICATION:

One big thing that can be the cause of conflict in a relationship is miscommunication or the lack of it. Truth be told, your partner is not a mind reader so you have to let them know what you are thinking and feeling. If they do something that irritates you don’t just let it pass, as it will just build up. Of course it wouldn't be wise to shout at them and go about the situation in a accusing way, but rather, kindly let them know how something has made you feel, "I know you don't do it to annoy me, but I can't help but feel a little annoyed when you don't clean up after yourself. Please may you make an effort to do so? I'd really appreciate it" sounds a lot better than "Oh my gosh, you always leave a mess whatever you are doing, I am not your skivvy, clean up after yourself before I use your face to do so."

Good communication is also being able to share all the aspects of your life without feeling judged, that includes the emotional, mental & physical.

6)ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER:

Nobody is perfect. A phrase you’ve probably heard 1000 times. If when you first got together with your partner he was a video-game lover or she took hours to get ready, don’t expect that to change as soon as it becomes irritating to you. Within reason , it’s important to except your partners hobbies, traits and characteristics, allow them to be themselves (as long as it isn't a harm to themselves or you). Acceptance enhances relationships.


7) PUT YOURSELF FIRST:

Those who spend time bettering themselves tend to have happier relationships than those who are constantly putting others needs before their own. Of course, I am not suggesting to not care for/help others but your happiness is the greatest gift you can give others, when you are in a happier, more loving state of mind you have more to offer to others.
From working on yourself, which may include working on stopping your bad habits like; waking up late, biting your nails or smoking, you will be improving yourself, which can have a direct improvement on your relationship.
It’s also important to have time to yourself as well as time with your partner, the right balance is essential.


8)LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE HEARD:

Acknowledge each other-  it’s important to start acknowledging ‘ordinary’ moments in your relationship, if your partner wants advice on how to finish a piece of work, or simply wants to share with you something they found on the web, take time to listen. The little things really do matter, showing interest in your partner's interest makes them more likely to want to do the same.
Acknowledgement includes expressing gratitude when they do something helpful or cute, it’s important to let your partner know you appreciate their efforts and are supportive of them.

9) SHOW APPRECIATION:

After a while of being in a relationship, it can be easy to slip into a state of comfort which sees the effort you put into the relationship slowly decreasing- you are no longer doing all the things that you did in the beginning to keep your relationship alive and prospering. Just because you have been with someone a while, it doesn’t mean you should stop showing appreciation for them. Many relationships begin to fail because one or both partners feel under-appreciated. You don’t necessarily have to shower your partner with gifts but one or two a month can be a nice gesture to show appreciation. It can even be something you make, like a romantic meal, cakes, scarf, photo frame- whatever. You could make it your aim to surprise your partner monthly. Be there when your partner needs it, when you can tell they’ve had a hard day why not give them a  massage or offer to cook or get takeaway in?
Watch your own actions & insure that what you are saying and doing is not harmful to the relationship. Let the other person know they are loved, you could compliment your partner every day, it doesn't have to be something incredibly cheesy can be something like ‘I really love that top on you’ …

Remember:“Relationships that work are the ones  that are worked on.” 

Love and light
xo